Legacy

By Mark Kaplan • October 20, 2009   

(Following is an article that appeared in the Temple Beth Ami Bulletin in November of 2005.)

“…I have probably the strangest rabbinic request you have ever heard. Can you text message me the Kaddish?”

 

Eleven and a half years ago I met my wife, Monica, in Mexico City. A one week trip turned into a three month courtship.

You get the picture… Nice Jewish boy meets nice Catholic Mexican girl and get married. Not that quick… After my proposal, Moni had to tell her parents. Gloria, Moni’s mom, concerned about her daughter marrying a Jewish man, went to several Priests. The final one gave his blessing; his niece was married to a Jew and what counts is that they loved each other. Gloria was very accepting, satisfied by this modern thinker.

Moni and I were married and had two beautiful children, Maya and Daniel. Gloria traveled up for births, holidays, family celebrations and extended periods of time to enjoy her family. Her English limited, she would say: happy birthday, congratulations, nice to meet you, thank you, Happy Hanukah and Shabbat Shalom.  

She celebrated Shabbat and Hanukah with us on several occasions, including a trip to San Miguel Allende where the whole family searched for a Hanukiah for me to light. She enjoyed the Jewish holidays and valued the family unit that Moni and I were building together.

Some of you know that I returned from Mexico City on Erev Rosh Hashanah. I had just said my final goodbye to Gloria. A simple operation had gone horribly wrong. Moni and her sister, Diana, knew their mom would want to give life to others. So now her kidneys and liver are living on in individuals who had little hope for survival. Her last charitable act was one that continues her living legacy in others.

I traveled to Mexico City with our two children on the day of Gloria’s death. They did not know yet that their beloved “Ita” was gone.

I arrived at the funeral home a little past midnight. Family, friends, neighbors, even her hair dresser all came to pay their respects throughout the night and into the next day. I sat with Gloria’s bible study group and explained to them, in Spanish, our Jewish traditions when a loved one passes. I talked with a dear friend of hers about music and how it can take you away into a different world.

I learned a lot about Gloria during those hours. About how important, giving and loving a woman she was and how integral family, religion, culture and community were to her. But what I came away with most was her legacy and heritage as a member of her family and community, as a friend, a mother and cherished “Abuelita”, Grandmother.

During a mass, everyone turned to each other and said “La Paz,” peace be with you. Monica turned to me, smiled and said

“Shalom.” Moments later, Moni and I were beside Gloria’s coffin. Moni said a prayer, turned to me and said, “Say a prayer in Hebrew for her.”It was during these brief moments that I started to really understand the term “legacy.”

The values that Gloria instilled in Monica, who during her greatest hours of sorrow, made sure that I was spiritually connected to the unfolding events. Gloria’s legacy lives on in Monica, for my wife is the generous, kind, spiritual, disciplined and most important, loving person that Gloria truly was.

All of us one day will not be here. But what we leave behind, our legacy and our heritage, is witnessed from generation to generation as individuals, families and communities.

As night fell, we knew it was time to tell the children. I called a family meeting and we gave the children some gifts that their “Ita” had gotten them… for Moni to bring back home after the surgery.

Even though she was not a woman of great financial means, she always had a little something for the children.

I then let them know that “Ita” was now with “Ito.” At that moment, I remembered the pain, crying and the faces of the children when we told them their grandfather, Rodolfo had died… just five short months ago. Tears flowed and we held our children tight to comfort them. Then, with astonishing clarity, Maya asked me if we could light a candle and say the prayer that Jewish people say when someone dies, like we did for “Ito”.

I tried to get internet service on my Palm Treo. I had to find Kaddish. Cell service but no internet signal. I then called our Rabbi. “Mark, I have probably the strangest rabbinic request you have ever heard. Can you text message me the Kaddish?” In six text messages it came. I told Maya that I now had Kaddish and we could light a candle.

It wasn’t until the next day, in a church that has been a part of the rich heritage and legacy of Mexican Catholics for over 500 years that we lit candles for Gloria. Maya understood the similarities and differences between Jewish and Catholic customs and this time, I had my Palm Treo ready to light up with my six text message thread mourners Kaddish.

So here I am today; a son-in-law missing a voice that raised a family, a woman who was a wife, mother, grandmother and a true leader in her community.

I know the legacy Gloria has left through her down to her children and grandchildren. I know the legacy that I will pass on and try to improve upon every day for my family. And I know the legacy I hope I can be a part of in our community. A place where many years from now someone will light a candle or twist a light bulb and say Kaddish for me in a community that I was proud to be a part of building.

At one point during the days in Mexico after her mom died, Moni turned to me and said, “I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you.”

At our home on Yom Kippur, we said Kaddish for Gloria and Rodolfo, remembering them for the first time on this Holy Day.

As we remembered them we had the strong feeling of being surrounded by our community. To everyone who has shown an unconditional outpouring of love during these past days, we want you to know that we don’t know what we would have done if we didn’t have you.

I share with you this story as a reminder that each of us creates a legacy. We have the opportunity to create our heritage as an individual, family member and community member here in our beautiful valley.

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